Mindset Matters
We’ve all heard this phrase about how our mindset affects how we show up, but what does that look like in real life? And how does it impact communication?
Your mindset as you engage in communication sets your mental tone, which in turn colors the tone of your conversation.
- If you are happy and excited, your voice and facial expression will reflect that.
- If you are frustrated or irritated, even by something completely unrelated, it will seep into your voice and your body language – often resulting in the person you are talking to thinking you are upset with them.
Mindset also impacts how you will respond to another person. If you’ve made up your mind that they are lazy or unreliable, then you might be hesitant to let them handle a project even if they are excited and eager to work on it.
If you’ve decided in your head that a conversation will be hard, you often bring extra anxiety or even defensiveness to the conversation before it even begins – often proving yourself correct because how you show up can trigger an equally defensive or anxious response in the person you are talking to.
A client of mine had a good example of this. She had an employee who reminded her of someone else she knew. The other person was unreliable and untrustworthy which led to a lack of respect. In my client’s head, her mind was predisposed to think of her employee the same way. And this likely showed up on a subconscious level which the employee responded to by being defensive.
When we worked to shift her mindset and reframe her approach when coaching her employee, the result was notable: the employee didn’t get defensive and actively participated in the coaching on how to do the job more effectively. Everybody got a better outcome.
A mindset of curiosity and a desire for understanding without judgement creates an opening for lots of possibilities.
Imagine this:
You have an employee who is normally rock solid, totally reliable, efficient and a valued and respected member of your team. They start showing up late to work on a disturbingly regular basis, which seems very out of character for them.
Scenario One:
Their tardiness can’t continue, so you pull them into your office to give them a verbal warning that their behavior is unacceptable, and they better be on time from now on. They try and tell you what’s going on, but facts are facts, and you don’t want to hear excuses.
Scenario Two:
You do a little digging to see if there’s a pattern to the days when the employee is late. Then you invite them into your office for a conversation. You mention that you’ve noticed they often are late on specific days and how out of character that is for them and ask if everything is OK.
They respond by sharing that those days are the days when they have the later shift, and the 30-minute difference means a HUGE increase in traffic and unpredictable delays. They tell you what would be a huge help is only working the earlier shift.
As it turns out, another team member really struggles with the earlier shift, but everyone was taking turns to keep it equitable. After a conversation with the second employee, the solution that benefits everyone is the shift swap.
The result is both employees are happier with their schedule, and no one struggles with arriving on time.
Mindset can make a huge difference in your communication and creating the outcomes you want. It’s also something that can take some practice, as your mind typically defaults to a negative setting. This is by design to keep you safe, but it often overreacts and can be detrimental.
Here are some questions you can practice asking yourself to get your brain to focus on a more positive, proactive, curiosity driven mindset:
- What is the outcome I’m hoping to achieve?
- Do I have all the information, or am I making assumptions?
- How can we work together to solve this problem?
- What am I missing in this situation?
- What if that person is doing the best that they can with what they know?
- How can I help this situation be better?
- What might be possible?
When in doubt, assume good intent, be curious, and reserve judgement.
If you need some help putting these practices into action in real life, that’s what I’m here for – schedule a time and let’s talk.
