We live in a world that spends much of the time in the digital space. We interact via text, email, and social media. Many of us can work remotely, and meet with people via video calls, games, or ‘lives’ on social media platforms.
And all of these technologies have expanded our options for how we connect and interact, letting us connect, and stay connected, with people around the globe.
There are implications, however, for our ability to communicate well.
Emails started the digital age separation, and soon afterwards someone realized that a lot of communication nuance and emotion gets lost in the print format.
Enter emojis 😃 – created to allow nuance to be added back into the written format.
Texting became the faster version – instant transmission and (theoretically) response. Not as many words were used, so shorthand was created – LOL! Those short-hand abbreviations shifted and changed meaning, making their meaning more ambiguous (Lots of Love Laugh out Loud). Capitalization was added for emphasis and VOLUME, and punctuation (or lack thereof) created tone and ‘personality,’ but that wasn’t enough.
Emoji’s became more refined to compensate, including images of things and animals. And then emoji’s meanings began to shift and develop a slang or ‘code,’ as any new language does. Fruits and vegetables gained entirely DIFFERENT meanings. We’ll never think of peaches or eggplants in quite the same way ever again.
And as more options were added, the interpretation of the meanings also developed variations, and cultural differences (both across countries and across generations). The thumbs-up emoji is a good example:
- Thumbs-up 👍 started (and is still used by some) as a quick way to say: “I understand and am OK with what you said,” or “good job.”
- With some generations the thumbs-up is seen as a sarcastic acknowledgment; not a positive at all.
- To help compensate for that perception, nuance gets added = a thumbs-up followed by a smiley-face. 👍😃
- For some cultures a thumbs-up is an insult (in parts of the Middle East and Southeast Asia it is equivalent to giving the middle finger in the USA).
Again, nuance is added to clarify meaning.
Nuance is the biggest difference between digital communication (email, text, chats, DM’s, etc.) and real-time conversation.
Real-time conversation via phone gives more information that written/emoji communication does; and face-to-face conversations give more information still.
There is so much information when we can hear inflection, tone, pitch, and volume of a voice.
Body language and facial expression add even more depth to a conversation.
Many times a written communication will work, and sometimes it is almost guaranteed to fail.
So when do we need to communicate IRL (In Real Life) instead of a digital written communication?
If there is any tension between the people communicating, the person receiving the written communication will interpret it through the lens of that emotional energy, EVEN IF THE WORDS HOLD NO NEGATIVE MEANING.
Don’t believe me?
Imagine this (and it doesn’t matter if it is a friend, loved one, or coworker):
Scenario 1
The last time you spoke to this person you enjoyed a fun lunch together. Later you send a text saying you need to cancel an appointment you had scheduled together.
They respond with “Fine” or a 👍.
You are probably pretty confident that everything is OK, and will reach out later to reschedule as needed.
Scenario 2
The last time you spoke to this same person you had an argument. You haven’t seen or spoken to them since that argument, and you send the same text needing to cancel an appointment.
They respond the same way: “Fine” or a 👍.
I’m betting you will read those same responses and ‘hear’ sarcasm.
It’s also possible they interpreted your need to cancel as an indication that you are still mad, don’t want to see them, or some variation on that theme.
If this is true, it can escalate the misunderstanding. They can create meanings that turn into ongoing resentment that, when not dealt with, can result in explosive arguments later over something minor or even break the relationship.
If your last interaction was emotionally charged, or you need to communicate about a sensitive situation, do your best to have a face-to-face conversation!
If you need help navigating something like the second scenario, or want to become a more effective communicator to avoid that scenario, let’s talk. Book a complimentary consultation
