Appreciation – is it necessary or ‘extra?’
Appreciation is an aspect of communication, and like other forms of communication, doing it well means making sure it is received in the same way that it was intended. Understanding the ‘languages’ of appreciation will improve your relationships – at home and at work.
Most people would agree that it is nice to feel appreciated, but we may not realize how important it actually is.
Appreciation is undervalued.
So often we forget to let someone know when we appreciate something that they did or said, or even just who they are and how they show up.
Maybe we are in a hurry. Maybe we think they know. Maybe we think it’s just part of their job, so there’s no need to show appreciation.
Whether it is at home or at work, appreciation matters. And I bet it matters more than you think.
No one like to feel like they are taken for granted, but it’s so much more than that.
At home, lack of appreciation can lead to resentment, which in turn can lead to arguments over ‘trivial’ things, which creates distance in the relationship. If not remedied it can lead to the destruction of the relationship.
Maybe you can relate. It might sound something like:
- “You always… (ex: have to work late when we have plans/have an excuse for why you can’t help me)
- “You never… (ex: do the dishes/take out the trash/appreciate all that I do around here for you!)
At work it can lead to disengagement, a lack of caring, workplace theft, poor productivity, and ultimately employee turnover.
Wow! Those are some big consequences to neglecting appreciation!
Feeling appreciated is linked to feeling like you matter.
And human beings need to feel like they matter, that there is a purpose for existing.
So we naturally gravitate to people, places and experiences that make us feel like we matter.
But how do you know you matter? What creates that feeling?
It might be seeing the impact you have made to an individual, or a community, or a company. When you can see someone’s life directly improved by your words or actions.
More often, you get feedback in the form of appreciation from those you have affected – and that feels good.
Some of you may be thinking, “But I DO tell people that I appreciate them.”
Or, “I always make sure to connect with someone to make sure they know I appreciate them.”
Or maybe you are thinking, “Well, I show them I appreciate them by helping them when they have a lot on their plate.”
Maybe you are a person who sends flowers or kind notes to say thank you (a form of appreciation).
Maybe you give high-fives to show your appreciation for a job well done.
Did you notice that different people think of appreciation in different ways?
The way to show appreciation that works for one person may not feel like appreciation to another person. It turns out that not everyone feels appreciated in the same way.
Appreciation is like all other forms of communication…for it to work, you must make sure the message is received in the way it was intended.
You may also have noticed that the examples above seem similar to the 5 Love Languages – and you would be correct!
The 5 Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Acts of Service
- Tangible Gifts
- Physical Touch
Each of the examples is linked to one of the 5 Love Languages. (Can you match them up?)
But for appreciation, especially in the workplace, it is far more nuanced (particularly Physical Touch – as I’m sure you would agree). In fact, Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, teamed up with Paul White to author The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace where they dive deep into how people like to be appreciated.
They deep dive into each of the love languages and how they show up as appreciation. And all the appreciation languages have forms and variations… you might even say ’dialects.’
There are guidelines for how to serve effectively to show appreciation to someone who has Acts of Service as their appreciation language. Components to keep in mind to give a gift that truly resonates appreciation. The trickiest one in the workplace is Physical Touch. It involves getting really good at knowing who your Physical Touch appreciation language people are, and then fitting the other appreciation languages with culturally appropriate touch accents to let those individuals see you truly appreciate them.
There’s far more than can be covered in a short blog, but I guarantee that learning more about Appreciation Languages will make your ‘communication toolbox’ more robust.
And for those who privately might be thinking that appreciation in the workplace is a ‘nice to have’ instead of a ‘need to have,’ all about ‘feeling good’ and ‘warm fuzzies’ and not critical to making a profit, I’ve included some facts and statistics shared in The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.
Appreciation at work has been shown to be directly related to employee engagement. And studies have repeatedly shown that increased employee engagement leads to an increase in employee productivity and a decrease in absenteeism and turnover.
Lack of employee engagement costs businesses money. Here are some fun facts1 to illustrate the point – when companies have high levels of disengagement:
- On-the-job accidents are 62% more likely.
- There is 51% more turnover.
- There is 51% more inventory lost to employee theft.
We understand that accidents cost money and theft costs money, but how does turnover impact profit?
We know that having to run short staffed makes everyone less efficient and more stressed, which can affect quality and quantity of the work. However, we often overlook the person-hours needed to create and advertise a job listing, sort resumes and applications, interview candidates (often multiple times by multiple people at different levels of the company), then hire, onboard and train each new employee. Depending on the number of applicants and the level of expertise needed, this can take months.
So, what does that cost? The cost to an organization to replace employees is estimated to be1:
- 30-50% of annual salary for an entry-level employee
- 150% of annual salary for a mid-level employee
- 400% of annual salary for high-level or highly specialized employees
Why all the facts when discussing appreciation?
Because appreciation has a dramatic impact on staff turnover:1
- 79% of employees who leave their jobs voluntarily (not because they were fired) cite lack of appreciation as a key reason for leaving.
- 66% of current employees report they would quit if they felt unappreciated.
Knowing the Love Languages and Appreciation Languages, for ourselves and those around us, helps communication go more smoothly. Like any of the personality assessment type tools, it provides insights that allow you to tailor you communication to be more effective. There are also Apology Languages, which I referenced in another blog. (You can read it here)
If you are interested in learning more about the books mentioned here, be sure to check out my Resources Page for more information.
And if you want to dive into how to apply these communication ‘tools’ in your life, reach out and let’s talk – I can help. Book a call to learn more.
1All statistics pulled from The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace where they provide references and studies for statistics cited. These are from Chapter 2.
